-Ecclesiastes 3: 1-8 (NKJV)

No More Time to Mourn
For me, this past year has been a time to mourn. A year ago this fall, I stood by helplessly, and watched, as if in a trance, the life of my beloved Mother slowly deteriorate into nothing. A strong Will to live started out powerfully against the fight of cancer, but with every day of a constant badgering of attacks, and not one shred of good news in sight, my Mother’s will gradually disintegrated under the heavy weight of the disgusting cancerous beast until there wasn’t an ounce of breathe left, and the heart refused to beat.

When her spirit and soul left my Mother’s heart, I felt also, like my spirit and soul had left mine. The only difference between my Mom and me, though, was that my heart was still beating and hers wasn’t. I still had to go on. She didn’t…not here anyway. No, my Mother was in Paradise, running through the sweet-smelling Lilly fields of perfection. She wasn’t on the edge of Glory; No, she was right smack in the middle of it. She was in perfect peace with her Jesus in Heaven. But I wasn’t. No. I was left here on earth with the ghastly residue of death still dripping off of me, and I had to figure out where to go next. What to do. How to live. The umbilical cord had been completely and finally torn from me, and all that remained was a huge, gaping hole of pain and agony, coupled with shock and disbelief.

She was too young. I wasn’t ready for this. We had plans of things we were going to do. I didn’t want to let her go. But, I had to. I had no choice. Unfortunately, death never asks for your permission. No, it comes to steal, kill and destroy, and it had done just that. Death came and accomplished its vile mission.

I found myself left standing there with my head spinning. “What just happened?” I would ask myself over and over again. I wanted to pick up the phone and talk to my Mom about my feelings, when it would hit me. I can’t. Nor will I ever be able to again. At least not in this life. Death is final, and it was slowly starting to sink in. Slowly. Very slowly.

I remained in shock for quite some time, just going through the motions. We were all born with the innate ability to survive, to eat, drink and sleep. And that’s what I did. I had been a wife and a mom long enough to know what to do, and how to care for my family, without giving it much thought. It was habitual for me, and that’s how I did it. Everything became strictly routine at that point, because my mind was put on pause, numb with pain. If I thought too deeply about what had just happened, my soul went into cardiac arrest, and I couldn’t function. I couldn’t afford to be malfunctioning because I had children and a husband. Not only that, it was Christmas, and I had to get through the holidays.

So, I threw myself into Christmas. Some may say, “Oh no! It happened during the holidays!” But, in some ways, that was my only saving grace. It was a great distraction for me, and I absorbed myself into it as much as possible. The festive side wasn’t there, but the actions of the holiday spirit guided me through to January.

Once the holidays were over, and the daily grind of life returned, I was faced with the solemn reality that my Mom, my best friend, really was gone, and she wasn’t coming back. It wasn’t a little get-away that she had ventured out on, but it was a permanent removal of her from my life. No more phone calls, no more birthday cards or presents, no more Mother’s Day gifts….no more anything. She was gone, period, and that was that.

Psychology 101

I was your “A-typical” grieving soul. I went through all of the emotions and feelings in order of grief as though they were mail-ordered from the Ivy League Psychology 101 textbook, and hand-delivered to me on my front porch. Shock, disbelief, grief, depression, anger, and bitterness. You name it. I had it.

I knew what I was going through as I was going through it, and I chose to embrace all of it. I thought that maybe, just maybe, if I grasped each emotion as a saturated sponge, and squeezed the life out of every thought and feeling, that it would assist me in the healing process because I knew I had to get through this….somehow.

Now I want you to know that I am a woman with Faith. Yes, I do believe that if we call on God, he will answer us. God tells us that all through His Word, the Holy Scriptures, and I believe that to be true. So, with that thought in mind, you have to know that I was asking for His help all along the way, because without Him, I knew I would be a helpless mess, with no hope to glean from. And because I did do that, I was able to have hope. I had to believe that my pain and empty despair wasn’t a permanent fixture in my life, and one day, I would feel happiness again.

Time Heals All Wounds?

So, I continued through with time. They say that time heals all wounds, and while I believe that now, and know that to be true, I have to also add that time AND God will heal all wounds. I think we need both, time and God, for the healing process.

This year we decided to relocate. We stayed long enough, in my mother’s town, to make sure all of my family members were going to be all right, and then we moved. I needed a new place to call home, and a new start to my journey of life without my Mom.

Since then, I can honestly tell you that I have found pure joy and happiness. I wake up in the mornings with a fresh excitement to life, with a genuine anticipation of the future. It hasn’t even been a year since her passing, and I am already on track to live a great rest of my life. Do I miss her? Of course I do. But I don’t feel the gut-wrenching pain I did before; only a deep respect and love for her, blended in with the honor of having known such a wonderful soul.

When I read through Ecclesiastes, I find that what I had experienced was okay. And while life and death is a part of our journey, we have to realize that so is mourning. The part we can’t forget though, is that mourning is only for a time. I had to make the conscious decision not to mourn anymore. I had to make a decision that it was time to pick myself up, and move forward. That isn’t something that anyone could do for me, but me and God alone. No other human can decide that for you, either; you have to do that yourself.

I think that life is too short (and too fulfilling) to live it being sad. I have too much to give, to keep it hidden within myself. I realized that if I didn’t pick myself up and start living again, then, not only did death take my Mom, but it would have been a victor over me too. I refused to let that happen. Life isn’t just about breathing, but it’s about living, actual living. Being. Doing. Loving.

Yes, there is a time to mourn, but there is also a time to heal, a time to laugh, a time to dance, and a time for peace. While life hands us things we don’t like, we don’t have to allow those things to stop us. We don’t have to let them paralyze us. They are all temporary events that will pass with time. Psalm 30:5 tells us that “weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning.” Joy will come if we allow it to. If we chose to allow the Son to rise in our dawn, and let the morning shine on our day, the night will pass, and so will the mourning.

Never Forget…Those Before AND After

We can’t forget those who have gone on before us, but we also can’t forget about those who are still here, the ones who are following along behind us. They need what we have to give them. They need us. As long as our hearts are still beating, so is the love we have to share. It’s time to choose love over sadness, joy over grief and life over death. While there is certainly a time for mourning, there is also a time for living. And that time is now. Grab it while you can, because you don’t know how much time you have left.

It’s been awhile since I have written a blog post, and to be quite honest with you…I haven’t wanted to. 2010 ended up being the worst year of my life, so far, and I wasn’t inspired to share any thoughts with you.

In July of last year, my beloved Mother and dearest friend, was diagnosed with a Stage 4 Glioblastoma (GBM) Brain Tumor, which is the most aggressive form of brain cancer. As you can imagine, we were completely devastated. Up until last summer, my 64 year- old Mother had enjoyed a lifetime of perfect health. She was a woman who rarely went to the doctor for health problems because she didn’t have any. After she complained of experiencing some migraines, we sent her to the doctor. By then, it was too late and a death sentence was handed to her. Our family immediately went into “Fight” mode to save her life, doing everything the medical experts told us to do, but to no avail. She went on to be with Jesus in Heaven Thanksgiving weekend of 2010.

I don’t have a lot to say about our ordeal right now because the pain is very real and fresh. I am being forced to learn how to live without the person who was there in my life, every step of the way, from the very moment I was conceived, until now. It didn’t matter where in the world I was, or where on the planet she was, I knew I could always pick up the phone and talk to my Mom. Just hearing her voice would calm me down when I was stressed out or anxious. She would help me reason out the unreasonable, and help me see the other perspective. My mom would be quick to point out my wrongdoings even to the extent that I would ask her “Whose side are you on?” Deep down inside, I always knew that she was right.

My mom would play with my kids, make us all laugh, cry with us during “chick flicks”, instruct us, and tell us where the freshly baked cookies were in the kitchen. You can bet that she always had some homemade goodies in the house somewhere, pretty much at all times, whether it was cookies, pies, cakes or bread. She loved to bake and was good at it! We were all spoiled with plenty of goodies, but the nice thing is….she didn’t leave earth without passing on her delightful recipes and knowledge to her kids and grandkids.  She also loved to sew, sing, read books and write poetry. Yes, she left us with a Godly inheritance of how to be a good wife, loving Mom and a great Grandma.

Since she left us at Thanksgiving, we were immediately faced with celebrating Christmas without her. It was difficult, but we clung to each other and made it happen, if not for ourselves, for the Grandkids. My mother was such a major player in our holidays that it was different not having her there in the middle of everything. Homemade gifts, blankets, outfits and Christmas candies and cookies always accompanied her during December, so we did our best to fill in the void that would have otherwise been huge. It obviously wasn’t the same, but we made it through. Somehow.

Yes, I made it to now and will continue forward. Yes, I have my questions “Why?” And, Yes, I miss her very much. But, the reality that I have to live the rest of my life without my Mom is what I am coming to terms with, and the grieving process is more than I ever imagined it to be.

I am learning how to live with a “New Norm” or a new normal, whatever that is. I don’t like it, don’t want to do it, but because I am stronger than my circumstances, I choose to accept it. I have to, because if I want to grow as a person, the person God made me to be, then I rely on God, my Creator, and not on my world being “perfect.” In the real world, life isn’t perfect, and neither are we. But, we were made by a God who IS perfect, and enables us with the strength to rise above the imperfections of this life.

There is much that I need to learn in 2011, and more mountains ahead that I must climb, but one thing I have already learned through this experience, is how to take life one step at a time. Sometimes just one hour at a time. If nothing else, that is a wonderful gift in itself, to live each moment to the fullest.

Please, excuse me now while I go and spend time with my kids. I have been passed the torch of being a Great Mom and I intend on winning the race. So, I will talk to you later. My family awaits me because there is…life after death.

The one thing about parenting that is the most intriguing is, you love it through the best and worst of times and wouldn’t trade it for anything – no pay raise, no planet relocation, no time in history, and most of all, a different set of kids. Nope, parenting is the perfect fit, Divinely appointed and anointed. God gives us the perfect kids for us, because they are carbon-copies of their parents.

Once you are a parent, you are always a parent. It is the only job from which you can never retire. There isn’t any health package, pay raises and never any time off. You are always over-worked and highly underpaid (however, the group benefits are out of this world!) No accolades or awards and the only red carpet you will ever walk on is probably followed by a fast trip to the emergency room! You have to gain weight to become a Mom and spend the rest of your life working off the weight. You spend the first twenty years complaining how stressed out you are and how you never have any time, while you spend the rest of your life after that telling everyone how quickly it went by and how alone you feel. You can’t wait to get your grown kids out of the house, but then beg to get their kids in your house!

Whew! Parenting is the most contradictory job I know! You have to make decisions every day, but are usually unsure if what you are doing is the right thing! Goodness, people! Parenting is one of the oldest jobs known to mankind, close behind gardening. You would think we would have a clue as to how to do this by now…. (yes, I am smiling right now as I am shaking my head from side to side…)

Thank God that our Creator is also our Father God. There is a manual (It’s better than any “Parenting For Dummies 101″ book out there) instructing us how to do this. It’s called the Bible. If you haven’t looked there for help in how to raise your kids right, I would highly recommend you check it out today. It will not only change your kids life, but yours, too.

I feel the rain, but not the wind.

The wind moves me through the clouds.

I see the Son, feel the rain, and am moved by the wind.

I AM.

Changed me.

I often get the answers to the questions I’m not asking.

My life, though seemingly very simple, is actually so very complex.

And in my greatest wisdom, I can be found very foolish;

although it isn’t about what I am turning away from, but Who I am running to.

It all started with one man and a vision. Now, I am not sure if it is because Nate Bonilla-Warford is an Optometrist and he could “see” things more clearly than the rest of us, or, because he is an Eye Doctor and he just wanted to sell more glasses, that he was able to visualize this amazing idea. Whatever the reason, Four Square Day, the first global social media holiday, was born and April 16 will never be the same again. (I am actually good with that considering that April 15 has such a bad rap with most Americans.)

So, how exactly was Four Square Day “framed?” Well, Nate is an Eye Doctor that cares and dedicates his career to improving the vision of children. He is also a Social Media Fanatic. Realizing that optometry remains blurred in the eyes of social networkers, Nate decided to try to bring more clarity of the profession to his community. Using the GPS phone-app “Four Square” (where people can “Check-in” at the location they are present at, become the “mayor” of that location, and earn points and badges) Nate developed the idea to create “Four Square Day” hoping to generate more awareness of his business, Bright Eyes Family Vision Care (www.visionsource-brighteyes.com). His plan was to inspire the users of this app in the community all at the same time and offer incentives for folks who “checked-in” at local businesses, hoping to create awareness of the “Four Square” App and unite the customer with commerce. Nate also hoped that businesses would become aware of the great potential and power that social media has within the realm of marketing.

Even Nate didn’t have the foresight to see what was coming next. He assembled a team of social networkers together and they scheduled a “Four Square Day” with a scheduled swarm to meet on April 16 (taken from the idea of four squared –  April being the 4^th month and 4×4=16). They all then began to promote it via social media. Word quickly spread, as it does on the Internet, and technologists from around the world decided to join in. What began as an organic “community builder” soon grew into an International phenomena. Beijing, Berlin, Sydney, Shanghai, Chicago, New York, Toronto and Hollywood are some of the cities to jump on board, just to name a few. Four Square Day spread like wildfire around the world. Yes, Dr. Nate and his team were delightfully surprised. And now, Technology Enthusiasts are “checking in” all over the planet and networking in a fun and entertaining way. The mayor of Nate’s hometown, Pam Iorio, declared Friday, April 16, as being “Four Square Day” in the Tampa Bay area. All of this is a result of one man’s desire to build community within his own town.

While Nate’s story may seem awe-inspiring to some, it is possible that this scenario could have happened to anyone. When we start to pursue “community building” instead of promoting ourselves, people are quick to respond. When we realize that it really isn’t about us, but about others, things start to happen. When we use what we have within our reach and share it with others, that’s when we affect our world. It’s not always about who we know, how much we know, or how hard we work that makes a difference. But, sometimes, it’s just a matter of looking at the simple things, being transparent and organic with fellow mankind, and ourselves and taking what we have in our hand (things already available to us, like social media: Twitter, Facebook, LinkedIn, etc.) and doing something with it. It’s about being willing to step out, willing to be a team and willing to work with others. If we could all grasp that concept, then I believe that more authentic ideas will emerge that will lead us to the change that we want to see in this country and around the world. While Nate was trying to improve the vision of children with his dream of “Four Square Day,” I have a feeling that really it was his own vision that was improved.

Please excuse me now; I think it’s time to go “check- in.”

For more information on Four Square Day, please go to: www.4sqday.com

You can also follow Four Square Day on Twitter @4sqday  (#4sqday) and Facebook www.Facebook.com/FoursquareDay

For a list of participating cities and recently posted events, go to www.4sqday.com/cities

A special “Thanks” goes out to Nate and his team:

Jessica Barnett

Gregg Hilfering

Amber Osborne

Cate Colgan

Susie Steiner

Bill Cason

Kim Randall

Antony Fancis

Rhea O’Connor

Allie Barkely

Kevin D. Lyons

David Alexander

Jason Keene

Mike Hoilihan

Chris Kopyar

He was calling me into His chambers, even before the day that I was born. It is my sweetest love story ever to be told, about my Savior and my Lord.

It was how a God, who loved His creation, gave His only One, to gain in exchange an infinity of souls; children, He would call His own.

It’s about a story of love so pure that needs to be expressed. It’s about a Redeemer of all mankind, a Blessed One to bless.

It is written “God loved the world so much He gave His only Son, that whosoever believed in Him would not die but dwell with the Eternal One.”

This story begins before the beginning of time, because it came from God. As He is the Author and Finisher of our faith, He is the writer of my song.

It is a song of love, so simple and sweet, I can no longer contain. I have to sing my Lover’s song, because I have a song to sing.

There was a time when I could not sing, no melody would be there. No rhythm, no lyric, or tune would shine. No story to be shared.

Just pain and sorrow, mourning and hurt, the shackles of despair. Although I hoped, although I travailed, my heart was in need of repair.

For you see, although I had done all the right things, and had no reason for pain; I had been in bondage to myself, looking for my own reward to gain.

I had prided myself in being me, and lived in my own kingdom; of doing what I had felt was right, instead of by God’s Holy Spirit.

Even though my greatest attempts of doing good resulted in wonderful deeds; they could not save me from myself, they could not meet my deepest needs.

When suddenly faced with life and death, I was quickly brought to my knees, to cry out in anguish to my God, who gave me my first breath to breathe.

I knew He had the power to save, to heal, and to forgive. I clung to every hope I had with a fervency I will never forget.

My Lord had to teach me how to rise up and fight, to use my shield of faith, to put on the full armor of God, and to never doubt through pain.

For you see, I had been raised in the church, with solid theology told. I memorized the Word of God, denying other fallacies sold.

I did not compromise on the only Truth, the one that I had been given. I choose to seek no other God, because there isn’t one living.

But yet through my struggles and through all of my tears, there was One who had always been there. He saw me through my strongest battles, and conquered my greatest fears.

He gave me the power to succeed, to always believe and to tarry; to have joy through sorrow, and strength through the pain. He gave me my cross to carry.

I always thought I was carrying the cross, but it wasn’t his that I carried. It was a weighty, tiresome and a heavy one. It was mine, that I had chosen to marry.

But God is Divine, so Sovereign, so True. He’s the One who cannot fail. Whenever His Word goes forth, as it does with great power, even hell cannot prevail.

So my Deliverer showed Himself strong with power and Love, and overcame my very worst enemy. I praised Him greatly through the battles, and thanked Him for being Strong and Mighty.

He truly conquered death and fear, and mightily rose from the grave. He then gave His Word to me that He will always Deliver and Save.

I know within my heart that is true, and this is why I sing. I sing of my Redeemer’s love, and the One who knows everything.

Sometimes, I know, I cannot see why bad things happen to me. That’s when I trust in the Greater Power, the Creator of the land and the sea.

There is only One God, the Almighty Most High, the One who gave His only Son; to be my Redeemer, my Lover, my Friend. For me, He’s the only One.

For you see, my God is a jealous God. And he is always faithful and true. The wonderful thing that I have to tell you about, is what He did for me, He will do for you, too.

So, who is this Beloved One that I sing praises about? The One of whom I adore? Well, His name is Jesus, God’s only Son, the One who I call Savior and Lord.

Copyright 2005 Vicki L. Lyons

Psalm 91

It only takes a matter of minutes of being online before you find someone you relate to, someone who connects with you. The thing I love the most about social media is that it makes me focus on the moment, challenges me to find the small impressions of my day, notice and evaluate them. These are moments that may have slipped by without a glance only a few years ago. Not now. Not any more.

Latte’s and Chocolates

For every 10 status updates that I post, there were probably 100 moments that I could have posted in an update but chose not to. It’s not the fact that I didn’t post those moments, or blogged about them, but just the fact that I choose to take notice of those moments of my life, to imprint the memory of them in my brain, is what I find significant. Social media has taught me to embrace my moments, to find the significance in my minutes of the day and cherish them. I notice the sparkle in my daughters’ eyes. I treasure the value of a charitable action. I find the joy in a lunch date with my husband. Thanks to Twitter, I appreciate how much a piece of chocolate or a latte’ can lift up my spirits on a day that I would have otherwise considered a disaster.

Are You the President of Your Own Fan Club? (PYOFC)

The ones who do not understand social media, the ones who consider it to be just another form of advertising, or a way to peddle their wares, are missing out on a precious gift of connection, a valuable form of communication. And those who set themselves up on social media as President of Their Own Fan Club (PTOFC) really do not understand the purpose of social networking at all! If you think we take the time to engage in social media just so we can boost your ego, then you are wrong. Social media is about social networking, thus the word “networking” which means engagement, interaction and communication. That usually requires a two-way connection, not one-way adoration; otherwise why don’t we just call it Social Venerating? After all, isn’t that all some folks want? Social accolades? Social networking is not a popularity contest. Come on, most of us couldn’t stand it in high school, let alone carry it with us throughout the rest of our lives. Isn’t it time we all grow up? Social networking is not about an individual; it’s about the individual within a community and how we all work together as a community to bring about change to the world. It’s about the big picture and how we as people each fit into that big picture.

It’s About Community

That’s why I listen on Twitter. That’s why I engage on Facebook. That’s why I am Linked In. I realize that even though it isn’t about me, I am here for a purpose. I live and breathe every day for a reason. If it is only to be the best mom, wife and person I can be, then that’s great. I will be a content and fulfilled human being at the end of my journey. But my “take away” from social networking is that it has taught me to embrace my minutes along the way. Life is not a destination; it is a very long series of moments. I am at a destination every day, and if I don’t stop and take notice of it, it will pass me by. If I don’t take time to delight in the small jewels in my day, how will I ever fully appreciate the “diamonds” of life? Life is not about the “big” things. While they are precious gems in our collection of memories, we can’t withhold our joy of living from ourselves because we are waiting for the next landmark experience to occur. They may be few and far between.

I am learning to embrace my moments, to find value in the minutes and days that God has given me, and am finding how to make the most of every moment. While some days are more challenging than others, I know that I am not alone in my experiences. I just click on to Twitter and find an entire community of people who are going through similar experiences. Then I go and get myself a latte’. I also grab a piece of chocolate, respond to my Tweeples and end my day with an “LOL.” After all, isn’t that what it’s about?