Life after death. Is there really life after death? Yes, I am here to let you know that there is, indeed, life after death. I am living proof of that. Although I also must tell you that I am NOT the one who died (even though a part of me did die.) No, I am one who was left living.
It’s been awhile since I have written a blog post, and to be quite honest with you…I haven’t wanted to. 2010 ended up being the worst year of my life, so far, and I wasn’t inspired to share any thoughts with you.
In July of last year, my beloved Mother and dearest friend, was diagnosed with a Stage 4 Glioblastoma (GBM) Brain Tumor, which is the most aggressive form of brain cancer. As you can imagine, we were completely devastated. Up until last summer, my 64 year- old Mother had enjoyed a lifetime of perfect health. She was a woman who rarely went to the doctor for health problems because she didn’t have any. After she complained of experiencing some migraines, we sent her to the doctor. By then, it was too late and a death sentence was handed to her. Our family immediately went into “Fight” mode to save her life, doing everything the medical experts told us to do, but to no avail. She went on to be with Jesus in Heaven Thanksgiving weekend of 2010.
I don’t have a lot to say about our ordeal right now because the pain is very real and fresh. I am being forced to learn how to live without the person who was there in my life, every step of the way, from the very moment I was conceived, until now. It didn’t matter where in the world I was, or where on the planet she was, I knew I could always pick up the phone and talk to my Mom. Just hearing her voice would calm me down when I was stressed out or anxious. She would help me reason out the unreasonable, and help me see the other perspective. My mom would be quick to point out my wrongdoings even to the extent that I would ask her “Whose side are you on?” Deep down inside, I always knew that she was right.
My mom would play with my kids, make us all laugh, cry with us during “chick flicks”, instruct us, and tell us where the freshly baked cookies were in the kitchen. You can bet that she always had some homemade goodies in the house somewhere, pretty much at all times, whether it was cookies, pies, cakes or bread. She loved to bake and was good at it! We were all spoiled with plenty of goodies, but the nice thing is….she didn’t leave earth without passing on her delightful recipes and knowledge to her kids and grandkids. She also loved to sew, sing, read books and write poetry. Yes, she left us with a Godly inheritance of how to be a good wife, loving Mom and a great Grandma.
Since she left us at Thanksgiving, we were immediately faced with celebrating Christmas without her. It was difficult, but we clung to each other and made it happen, if not for ourselves, for the Grandkids. My mother was such a major player in our holidays that it was different not having her there in the middle of everything. Homemade gifts, blankets, outfits and Christmas candies and cookies always accompanied her during December, so we did our best to fill in the void that would have otherwise been huge. It obviously wasn’t the same, but we made it through. Somehow.
Yes, I made it to now and will continue forward. Yes, I have my questions “Why?” And, Yes, I miss her very much. But, the reality that I have to live the rest of my life without my Mom is what I am coming to terms with, and the grieving process is more than I ever imagined it to be.
I am learning how to live with a “New Norm” or a new normal, whatever that is. I don’t like it, don’t want to do it, but because I am stronger than my circumstances, I choose to accept it. I have to, because if I want to grow as a person, the person God made me to be, then I rely on God, my Creator, and not on my world being “perfect.” In the real world, life isn’t perfect, and neither are we. But, we were made by a God who IS perfect, and enables us with the strength to rise above the imperfections of this life.
There is much that I need to learn in 2011, and more mountains ahead that I must climb, but one thing I have already learned through this experience, is how to take life one step at a time. Sometimes just one hour at a time. If nothing else, that is a wonderful gift in itself, to live each moment to the fullest.
Please, excuse me now while I go and spend time with my kids. I have been passed the torch of being a Great Mom and I intend on winning the race. So, I will talk to you later. My family awaits me because there is…life after death.